I know this may not be the place to write a blog such as this seeing that this is an astro blog. But being kept indoors by the marine layer and being awake at this ungodly hour, plus listening to my fave band and reflecting on life in general, I was moved to pen this. I remember a time, not so long ago when I was down, really down. I did not know where my life was taking me. I was at the crossroads (funny how life always comes full circle and here I am again at the crossroads yet again...maybe I should make a pact with the crossroads demon and seal it with a kiss!). I had my then girlfriend and now beloved wife to keep me afloat and not break down. I also had my music and I had my recently rekindled love for stargazing. It was the year 2003. We had been in Brissie for about a year and a half. I came back when my wife got her scholarship to pursue her grad school, and me, I came back to pursue a dream. Back then I was an idealist, I was untainted and I was not jaded. Life has thrown its fair share of bricks at me. I must admit that I have been pretty fortunate too to be given opportunities to pursue my dreams, firstly my BSc in oz and then grad school with my mentor Dave Merritt. I have also been blessed to be given the chance to work with my current supe Volker. It was a dream and I still feel I live in a dream. Its just like A-ha's song "Living a boys adventure tale". Its funny how I feel my life being interconnected and interwoven so intricately with A-ha's lyrics! I am drifting off again...sorry about that......back to the story.
Listening to A-ha ironically titled album and song Lifelines brought back a whole heap of memories. They were not entirely sad, but then again the feelings were so raw and real. I still feel them now everytime I listen to this album. I had just come out of my research assistant job with Dave. He had run out of funding and found out that he did not have the funds to finance my grad school. We had also put in our permanent residence application a year ago and had not heard back from the aussie government. My only hope lay in getting the PR so I could apply for a local scholarship. There was a real possibility that I would have to leave Brissie and go back home to Malaysia. It was a scary feeling, one of hopelessness and desperation. It was their music and my 6" EQ that kept me company (and my sanity) through this rough patch. I still vividly recall everything. From my times spent out on my balcony facing Stanley Street with my 6" EQ perched precariously facing the northern sky with my 32mm Plossl in the focuser, with Lifelines playing in the background. Back then I also had my 76mm alt az and sometimes used that scope from my second master bedroom balcony. I remember observing right before my wife got home from her lab and before we had dinner. M6, M7, M4, M22, M8, M17 they were all old friends I had forgotten from my teens. Some new friends, M57 and M27 that I now could see more clearly with my larger scopes. I can still feel the gentle evening breeze on my cheeks, the courseness of the focuser knob, the feeling of the hard bar stool I used as my observing chair, and the soft music drifting in the air. They calmed me, gave my life perspective, allowed me to find and inner strength. I need to rediscover this inner strength once again to battle my current nemesis before it engulfs me whole and eats me alive. The stakes are higher this time, I have to fight to save my family too.......I love them too much to let them go...I have to fight this battle........so my question is, can music and astronomy save my soul yet again?
